Monday, October 27, 2008
So this is blogging
Ok...here we go. This is my new blog. I'm still unclear on what exactly a blog is, but I'm going to do it anyway.
I wrote a few times on my aol site, but that site is going away. I'll probably cut/paste those things here.
Lets try that now...
7:29:08 PM EDT
Feeling Cranky
Baby, it's cold outside.
Wow. What a crummy day. Its cold outside. Every bad driver in the city was out today and trying to kill me. The fact that I was out today may or may not include me in the bad driver group. I'd like to think not, but I have a fairly high opinion of my own driving, so I can't be objective.
I finished my first week babysitting the girls. I'm afraid I'm desperate for things to share with people, because I find myself repeating everything the little darlings say. If only inflection could be adequately related in the re-telling. I'm sure everyone would understand the tiny geniuses I deal with each day. Strangely, I don't feel stressed with these girls like I did when my own were young. It seems that I'm truly able to enjoy them without worrying about the day to day training that a parent has to do. The time I spend with the girls is truly a joy for me. We have great fun and bonding time.
I bought some beads today. It occurs to me I should begin thinking about Christmas. Each year the pressure is greater and greater to make everyone happy. I wonder at what point in my life I decided that everyone's ultimate happiness depended on me. What pressure I put on myself! The truth is, after the presents are opened on Christmas morning and breakfast is over with, everyone is happy anyway and would still happy be if I was there to insure it or not. Its the nature of the holiday.
Last week it was 90 degrees and today I'm wearing a jacket and freezing. I think that is the main reason for my crankiness today. That and the lack of forward movement on my piano project. I hate the stupid piano project.
Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.
Written by Debby
Saturday, September 6, 2008
4:41:32 AM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Bach
Another Friday Night (This picture is 19 year old me)
Today was a typical day. I worked awhile, played awhile, talked on the phone awhile. Cooked awhile, wondered why no one showed up to eat a while. Nothing unusual.
I got an email today from a high school friend. She was telling me about some of the trials in her life. I couldn't help but think back to how we were back then. We thought we were pretty cool with our long blonde hair and a car with all the gas we wanted. We spent a lot of time at the beach, or with our favorite guys. For a short period of time we both smoked a lot. I gave it up. She didn't. We shared clothes since we were both tiny (at that time anyway). She was my maid of honor at my wedding . I learned to drive a stick shift in her VW bug. We cut classes. We were inseparable.We drifted apart when we started having kids, and I never talked to her again until recently. Its good to think back to the girl I was then. In some ways I'm the same person I was then. In others, I bear no resemblance to her.
Enough introspection for now. I'll think about this more another day.
Written by Debby
Saturday, August 16, 2008
1:39:04 PM EDT
Feeling Cynical
Thinking - I thought I smelled smoke
I was just thinking about my last entry. Why did I write it? Do I think someone is going to save me from myself? Do I want anyone to save me from myself? Am I playing the 'poor pitiful me" card?
I don't think so, because I don't expect anyone to read it. Its an exercise. A vent. Trying to put a jumble of thoughts into a few words. To organize my thoughts. I'm an actor in the theater of life, and the director is getting a little frustrated with me. What is my motivation Mr. Director? What am I supposed to be feeling here?
Written by Debby
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
4:12:27 PM EDT
Feeling: Thoughtful
Hearing: silence
When I grow up
I spoke with my oldest son on the phone last night for nearly an hour. He thinks I should get a college degree. His arguments are simple - I have the time and the money to do it.
He told me, aside from the obvious benefit of a better job, his degrees have given him a sense of worth. He was a late bloomer, always intelligent and precocious but also arrogant. He thought he was smart enough without a degree and certainly any employer would recognize that. He admits he was wrong. He now says that having the degrees (he has a BS in computer science and an MBA) make him feel accomplished. That even everyday tasks take on special meaning. He says he even feels better about himself walking through Target.
That's a fairly strong argument for a (now) stay-at-home mom with no children left at home. I know my kids still 'need' me, but it's not the same moment to moment need as when they were younger. I don't have to worry about any of them running out into the street any longer. They have grown up and if I do say so myself - I did a good job. They are all good, decent people. My role has changed. Now I'm more of a sounding board for ideas or advice, or just someone to vent to.
So. Now what? What do I want to be when I grow up? I don't want to go back to the 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. world of business management, so anything I do at this point in my life is strictly for me. Wow. What a crazy idea. Just for me.
Where do my interests lay? Honestly, I have no idea. I have so many - but none that are a passion. Or do I...
To be continued...
Written by Debby
Friday, August 8, 2008
11:05:10 PM EDT
Feeling: Irritated
Hearing: TV
Grandkids
My granddaughter, after the umpteenth warning, did something today I told her not to do. It was a 'straw that broke the camels back' moment. I rarely correct the children because that is why they have parents - but this time I lost it.
Now, let me explain - I (apparently) have a tone of voice and a look that my own children feared. They know when I get to that point I'm on the verge of losing control. I only had to lose control a time or two for them to remember and avoid it at all costs. Now my granddaughter has experienced that moment of near disaster and hopefully won't forget. More likely, I'm the one that won't forget the moment.
After calmly (I thought) confronting the child on the alleged infraction, she tried desperately to come up with a plausible excuse. It was not unlike the way I feel when I'm stopped by a traffic cop - uh - not because that happens often. Not too often anyway.
You could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to avoid the inevitable - Grandma was angry. Very angry.
I explained why I was angry and what would surely happen if something similar were to take place again. My goal was to make her understand that she would not want to experience my wrath and that I was teetering on the edge of my self-control. As I continued to explain, her lower lip began to quiver. She stoically tried to maintain her dignity as her big brown eyes filled with tears She would not cry.
I think it was the quivering lip that got me. I started to lose my resolve as I told her how much I loved and adored her, but I was angry right now. ANGRY!...dang it! ...angry...oh boy...
Then she said it. With a full-lip-quiver-tear-spill-over-the-cheek-but-still-brave look.
"Grandma, you're angry right now, but deep down in your tummy, I know you still love me."
Awww, shoot.
Written by Debby
A casual acquaintance had a house fire and lost everything. All the 'stuff' we collect in a lifetime can be overwhelming. I look around me at the things I've collected over the years and I see memories. Some are good, some are not so good. Some are those 'big' events in a life - the birth of a child, the death of a loved one. Some are of the small happenings of any day - like a toy that reminds me of a child's smile, or a kid's soccer picture from 9th grade. All those things represent events that shape who I am - but what if they were all to be gone tomorrow? Would I be any different? Would the act of simply surviving take precedence over all?Would memories suffice and carry me through? Would I have any choice?
I'm giving myself a headache. I will take the Scarlet O'Hara route and think about that another day.
Written by Debby
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
1:59:16 PM EDT Feeling Lazy
Journal Writing 101
Ok, so clearly journal writing isn't my forte'. Its been nearly 4 months since I started this with a few sentences and that was it. Thank goodness I'm not being graded!
Another go at it then.
The wedding in California was beautiful. The reception was held at the Crown Plaza on the beach in Ventura. The view was incredible, the food was great - and the company was incomparable. It was good to see so many of the relatives. The kids are all growing up.
Sadly, we lost my husbands dad last month. He was 94 and ready to go. Its sad that we only see relatives at weddings and funerals these days, but I suppose that's the nature of aging families. Everyone is so busy.
No.1 son's family is currently visiting our home. Son stayed behind to work. Its so incredible to see how these kids are growing and changing. It makes me think I must be changing as well. But that can't be true, since I am 39. Always and forever.
Hub and I just returned from a quick trip to Alaska. We did some hiking that was very enjoyable. There is a 3.5 mile loop on the east side of Mendenhall glacier in Juneau that we walked, plus another 3-3 1/2 mile hike earlier in the day on Douglas Island. Its amazing to me that Juneau can only be reached by boat or plane. I think I would get claustrophobic if I lived there.
I'll make an attempt to do this more often. Have a great day.
Written by Debby
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
7:09:18 PM EDT
Feeling: Happy
Hearing: silence
Getting ready for a family wedding
Woohoooo. I'm excited. I'm getting ready to go to California and visit my family. My nephew Greg is getting married. His first wife Kerry, died tragically of cancer. I'll get to see my brothers, sisters-in-law, neices and nephews PLUS some grand neices and nephews. I'll post some pictures when I return if I can find my danged camera
Written by Debby
I wrote a few times on my aol site, but that site is going away. I'll probably cut/paste those things here.
Lets try that now...
7:29:08 PM EDT
Feeling Cranky
Baby, it's cold outside.
Wow. What a crummy day. Its cold outside. Every bad driver in the city was out today and trying to kill me. The fact that I was out today may or may not include me in the bad driver group. I'd like to think not, but I have a fairly high opinion of my own driving, so I can't be objective.
I finished my first week babysitting the girls. I'm afraid I'm desperate for things to share with people, because I find myself repeating everything the little darlings say. If only inflection could be adequately related in the re-telling. I'm sure everyone would understand the tiny geniuses I deal with each day. Strangely, I don't feel stressed with these girls like I did when my own were young. It seems that I'm truly able to enjoy them without worrying about the day to day training that a parent has to do. The time I spend with the girls is truly a joy for me. We have great fun and bonding time.
I bought some beads today. It occurs to me I should begin thinking about Christmas. Each year the pressure is greater and greater to make everyone happy. I wonder at what point in my life I decided that everyone's ultimate happiness depended on me. What pressure I put on myself! The truth is, after the presents are opened on Christmas morning and breakfast is over with, everyone is happy anyway and would still happy be if I was there to insure it or not. Its the nature of the holiday.
Last week it was 90 degrees and today I'm wearing a jacket and freezing. I think that is the main reason for my crankiness today. That and the lack of forward movement on my piano project. I hate the stupid piano project.
Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.
Written by Debby
Saturday, September 6, 2008
4:41:32 AM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Bach
Another Friday Night (This picture is 19 year old me)
Today was a typical day. I worked awhile, played awhile, talked on the phone awhile. Cooked awhile, wondered why no one showed up to eat a while. Nothing unusual.
I got an email today from a high school friend. She was telling me about some of the trials in her life. I couldn't help but think back to how we were back then. We thought we were pretty cool with our long blonde hair and a car with all the gas we wanted. We spent a lot of time at the beach, or with our favorite guys. For a short period of time we both smoked a lot. I gave it up. She didn't. We shared clothes since we were both tiny (at that time anyway). She was my maid of honor at my wedding . I learned to drive a stick shift in her VW bug. We cut classes. We were inseparable.We drifted apart when we started having kids, and I never talked to her again until recently. Its good to think back to the girl I was then. In some ways I'm the same person I was then. In others, I bear no resemblance to her.
Enough introspection for now. I'll think about this more another day.
Written by Debby
Saturday, August 16, 2008
1:39:04 PM EDT
Feeling Cynical
Thinking - I thought I smelled smoke
I was just thinking about my last entry. Why did I write it? Do I think someone is going to save me from myself? Do I want anyone to save me from myself? Am I playing the 'poor pitiful me" card?
I don't think so, because I don't expect anyone to read it. Its an exercise. A vent. Trying to put a jumble of thoughts into a few words. To organize my thoughts. I'm an actor in the theater of life, and the director is getting a little frustrated with me. What is my motivation Mr. Director? What am I supposed to be feeling here?
Written by Debby
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
4:12:27 PM EDT
Feeling: Thoughtful
Hearing: silence
When I grow up
I spoke with my oldest son on the phone last night for nearly an hour. He thinks I should get a college degree. His arguments are simple - I have the time and the money to do it.
He told me, aside from the obvious benefit of a better job, his degrees have given him a sense of worth. He was a late bloomer, always intelligent and precocious but also arrogant. He thought he was smart enough without a degree and certainly any employer would recognize that. He admits he was wrong. He now says that having the degrees (he has a BS in computer science and an MBA) make him feel accomplished. That even everyday tasks take on special meaning. He says he even feels better about himself walking through Target.
That's a fairly strong argument for a (now) stay-at-home mom with no children left at home. I know my kids still 'need' me, but it's not the same moment to moment need as when they were younger. I don't have to worry about any of them running out into the street any longer. They have grown up and if I do say so myself - I did a good job. They are all good, decent people. My role has changed. Now I'm more of a sounding board for ideas or advice, or just someone to vent to.
So. Now what? What do I want to be when I grow up? I don't want to go back to the 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. world of business management, so anything I do at this point in my life is strictly for me. Wow. What a crazy idea. Just for me.
Where do my interests lay? Honestly, I have no idea. I have so many - but none that are a passion. Or do I...
To be continued...
Written by Debby
Friday, August 8, 2008
11:05:10 PM EDT
Feeling: Irritated
Hearing: TV
Grandkids
My granddaughter, after the umpteenth warning, did something today I told her not to do. It was a 'straw that broke the camels back' moment. I rarely correct the children because that is why they have parents - but this time I lost it.
Now, let me explain - I (apparently) have a tone of voice and a look that my own children feared. They know when I get to that point I'm on the verge of losing control. I only had to lose control a time or two for them to remember and avoid it at all costs. Now my granddaughter has experienced that moment of near disaster and hopefully won't forget. More likely, I'm the one that won't forget the moment.
After calmly (I thought) confronting the child on the alleged infraction, she tried desperately to come up with a plausible excuse. It was not unlike the way I feel when I'm stopped by a traffic cop - uh - not because that happens often. Not too often anyway.
You could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to avoid the inevitable - Grandma was angry. Very angry.
I explained why I was angry and what would surely happen if something similar were to take place again. My goal was to make her understand that she would not want to experience my wrath and that I was teetering on the edge of my self-control. As I continued to explain, her lower lip began to quiver. She stoically tried to maintain her dignity as her big brown eyes filled with tears She would not cry.
I think it was the quivering lip that got me. I started to lose my resolve as I told her how much I loved and adored her, but I was angry right now. ANGRY!...dang it! ...angry...oh boy...
Then she said it. With a full-lip-quiver-tear-spill-over-the-cheek-but-still-brave look.
"Grandma, you're angry right now, but deep down in your tummy, I know you still love me."
Awww, shoot.
Written by Debby
A casual acquaintance had a house fire and lost everything. All the 'stuff' we collect in a lifetime can be overwhelming. I look around me at the things I've collected over the years and I see memories. Some are good, some are not so good. Some are those 'big' events in a life - the birth of a child, the death of a loved one. Some are of the small happenings of any day - like a toy that reminds me of a child's smile, or a kid's soccer picture from 9th grade. All those things represent events that shape who I am - but what if they were all to be gone tomorrow? Would I be any different? Would the act of simply surviving take precedence over all?Would memories suffice and carry me through? Would I have any choice?
I'm giving myself a headache. I will take the Scarlet O'Hara route and think about that another day.
Written by Debby
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
1:59:16 PM EDT Feeling Lazy
Journal Writing 101
Ok, so clearly journal writing isn't my forte'. Its been nearly 4 months since I started this with a few sentences and that was it. Thank goodness I'm not being graded!
Another go at it then.
The wedding in California was beautiful. The reception was held at the Crown Plaza on the beach in Ventura. The view was incredible, the food was great - and the company was incomparable. It was good to see so many of the relatives. The kids are all growing up.
Sadly, we lost my husbands dad last month. He was 94 and ready to go. Its sad that we only see relatives at weddings and funerals these days, but I suppose that's the nature of aging families. Everyone is so busy.
No.1 son's family is currently visiting our home. Son stayed behind to work. Its so incredible to see how these kids are growing and changing. It makes me think I must be changing as well. But that can't be true, since I am 39. Always and forever.
Hub and I just returned from a quick trip to Alaska. We did some hiking that was very enjoyable. There is a 3.5 mile loop on the east side of Mendenhall glacier in Juneau that we walked, plus another 3-3 1/2 mile hike earlier in the day on Douglas Island. Its amazing to me that Juneau can only be reached by boat or plane. I think I would get claustrophobic if I lived there.
I'll make an attempt to do this more often. Have a great day.
Written by Debby
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
7:09:18 PM EDT
Feeling: Happy
Hearing: silence
Getting ready for a family wedding
Woohoooo. I'm excited. I'm getting ready to go to California and visit my family. My nephew Greg is getting married. His first wife Kerry, died tragically of cancer. I'll get to see my brothers, sisters-in-law, neices and nephews PLUS some grand neices and nephews. I'll post some pictures when I return if I can find my danged camera
Written by Debby
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